so let's talk penis.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
