We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
