I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
