my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize