all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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