Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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