No more Irish car bombs ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
