You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
