You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
