Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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