I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
