so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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