I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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