My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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