boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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