so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The uberlube is also flammable
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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