You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
