So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
