his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
