He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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