you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
