dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize