Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize