I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
