i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
