She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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