I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
