Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
