i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
