k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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