people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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