i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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