he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
