so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
