Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's shark week go big or go home
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
