can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
