NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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