just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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