Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
