i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
