guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
