The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
