I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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