Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
