if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
