If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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