so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
