Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
