I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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