Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
