If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
