Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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