i don't like sucking hair
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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