Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
