I wish my penis had an off switch
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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