She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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