Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
