Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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