I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
