I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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