sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
