i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
