I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it's like iHOP with fire
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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