I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize