that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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