She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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