I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize