He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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