you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
